Transcripts from Audio CDs:

Playful Banter

The examples you gave seem kind of extreme, are you sure any guy can get away with this kind of stuff?

Yeah I want to point out any guy, absolutely any guy, can get away with these kind of stuff. I want to mention, again this is from years of experience teaching all kinds of guys in all kinds of age ranges, all kinds of cultural background, all kinds of experience with this kind of stuff, usually the guys who say to themselves, or say to me, as their coach, "I don't know if I can pull this off, I don't know if this is right for me." Usually, the guys who say that the most are the guys who actually benefit the most from banter. You know basically the idea is the reason it works is because it's surprising. You know and the more surprising it is coming from you, the more powerful it's gonna be and the more effective is going to be. So you know it's easy for a guy like, I'm kinda in my 30's I kinda come off as a playful guy. I dress kinda fairly playful, and so for me I use stuff and I have to use a lot of it, I have to use a lot of it. Umm…, because it's only slightly surprising. I have to use really really powerful stuff. If you take an older guy who's dressed in a suit, he's wearing glasses, let's say her has a really strong accent. For him to use one of these lines is dramatically more powerful. So in general, the more you're thinking of yourself, "okay, can I really pull this off? Is this really a technique that I can use?" In general, the more guys are kinda asking that, you know the more you're asking that question and the more you're wondering if you can do it. The more the answer is "yes," you absolutely need to be doing this. This stuff is gonna work really well for you. Um, and I also want to talk about what kind of reaction they're gonna get because a lot of times girls will just laugh and they'll kinda look at you. They might even gonna hit you a little or touch you a little. They're all great reactions and I think guys know those are good reactions. But a lot of times women will mock being offended. You know they'll kinda step back like "Oh my god, I can't believe you said that!" And I just wanna be really clear to you guys. When women do that that's a good reaction, that's a women flirting back with you. Um, if you really get a bad reaction, you've actually done something improperly, generally the girl will be quiet or she'll turn away. If she has a real high energy reaction kinda like "I can't believe you said that." That's a good reaction, that's her flirting back and she wants more. So those are just some notes about that. Do you have anything to add Sean?

Yeah the point about the inappropriateness of the comment to the person, is really key for banter. The more it looks, um, incongruent with who you are, the more powerful it is. Like Lance says, you know if you're a certain kinda guy like I'm really similar style to Lance. Playful, over the top, I'm big, I'm physical, I'm loud. People don't see me sneak into a place, they see me coming from miles away. So when I use this stuff it has to come out, I've got to do more with it. Even more, even louder, even higher energy. But somebody who comes and it doesn't look like they kinda say that kinda thing, it can pack a wallop of an effect. And I think we'll go into that a little more detail later but it's important to know that it's a big advantage. If you're listening to this call now and think you're the kind of guy who doesn't do this, you have no idea how much more useful this will be for you than for me. And I'm jealous.

We've had a couple of guys come through workshop and they'll protest you know "I can't do this, I can do this!" And then they'll say these lines completely dead pan and just because it's so unexpected from them, it's just hilarious. It kills the whole room. But you know however Craig I do wanna actually point out you know you can use this material and have it not work. And if you have it not work, it's because you don't understand it well enough because you're not doing a couple of things properly. It has nothing to do with who you are, um, this isn't something that works. There are some techniques that works better for some guys or only works for some guys, this is not one of those techniques. This is one of those techniques that every guy should learn how to use. And if you try this and it doesn't work, you're doing something wrong. Usually, uh, usually, it means you're not committed to it. So it other words, if you kind of you're crinching on the inside as you're saying these lines, you're kind of already kind of horrified with the reactions you're gonna get, people can sense that. It comes out in your voice, it comes out in your, you know, it comes out in your body language, it comes out through the whole thing. You're not comfortable with it. So you know, probably the number one thing, you know if you're not comfortable with it, you're not expecting a positive reaction, you're probably not going to get one. We'll give you some more details. Uh coming up on exactly what to do to make this stuff work. Actually I think that's coming up isn't it.