Make Banter Work for You Every Time
Our instructors are constantly posting solid-gold advice on our VIP Coaching Lounge. If you're not a member already, you are missing out on a chance to get real-time coaching from the best in the business.
Just to show you what you are missing, today we're going to share another amazing insight from pickup coach extraordinaire Sean Deacon (visit his blog at blog.seandeacon.com), who follows up on his rules for SMS game with the guide to get you having fun, and succeeding, with Banter. Enjoy!
I realized something about banter during the last Art of Attraction Workshop. It came together after hearing something that Lance said when he was introducing the idea of banter to the group. He said (and I paraphrase) that banter is essentially role-playing. The banter line just establishes a role for the two of you that you can then act out in a playful way. If you look at banter in this way, it lends itself to banter INTERACTIONS, rather than the use of banter LINES.
For example, when you call a girl a brat, you are using a banter line. If you assume the role that she is a bratty little sister and you are the cool older brother, then you can go on to say something like,
"you are gonna totally get sent to your room for acting up. And you have to DENY it when all your friends call you up and tell you they think I am cute, OK? I don’t want to be kept up all night hearing your giggles, ok?"
The "classic" banter lines are great, but they are just that, one-liners. You can say "I don't know who your boyfriend is, but he is not spanking you enough", but where do you go from there? What if you assume that you are now a love doctor, and she is a love patient in need of treatment? That sounds pretty fun to me.
Sometimes I will find something in the situation, or something a girl says, and then I will assume a role for her. I then assume a role for myself in relation to that role, and act out those roles.
At the last Art of Attraction Workshop, I ran into a girl that I had met a few weeks earlier. We had been emailing since then, joking about switching jobs, because she had a bad week at work. When I saw her, I told her I had a new job if she still wanted to switch, that I was a go-go dancer. The role set up was now "we are go-go dancers". I asked her what kind of cage she liked to dance in. I told her I got new knee high boots with fur around the top and she better have something cooler than that if she ever wants to be a better go-go dancer than me.
I think most people can see how banter interactions are better than banter lines. If you deliver a banter line, you are just some guy with a funny line. If you can start role-playing, you can have a much more fun and playful interaction.
Some of you may have seen Sean Newman go on after a line like "I am just here to flirt with you". He can keep going and going off of that idea. What he has done here is set up the role that he is an expert flirting teacher, and the girl is a cute student who needs to learn how to flirt. He riffs and riffs off of those assumed roles, and the result is a funny and charming interaction.
I see the PickUp 101 coaches do this all the time. They throw out a line, and keep riffing off of it. What makes it easy to riff off of this is the assumed role-play BEHIND the banter line. Consciously or not, they are playing a certain role, and treating the girl like she has some complementary role, and going from there.
Here's another personal example I have used:
"You are so cute. I just want to take you home with me. You know what we are gonna do? We are gonna make forts out of the couches with the pillows and blankets, and we are gonna play house, and we are gonna watch cartoons, and then mom is gonna bring us some ovaltine, and we're gonna crawl inside our fort to drink our hot ovaltine, and then we're gonna watch cartoons all morning."
The role here is that we are cute little kids together, that we are gonna have a bunch of innocent childish fun together (ever play doctor when you are a kid?).
I have used these examples when flirting with girls. The usual result is giant smiles and laughter.
What I hope that some of you guys will get out of this is how to take banter LINES, and turn them into banter INTERACTIONS.
You can take an existing banter line, assume some roles between the two of you, and then deliver it from that perspective. If you open some girls and spit out,
"I really like it here, I am so well lit!"
That can be funny, but where do you go? Assume the role that she is an artist, and you are the art!
"My god, I should be a sculpture! Are you good at art? Listen, if my cute adorable smile is going to be captured for eternity as a statue, I need a VERY GOOD artist to get it just right. I need that creative flare that I know is hiding behind that big smile you have on your face."
After that, smile, tickle, then drop into some deep rapport, find something unique and special about her that isn't obvious, and fall just a touch in love.
Sean "jaz" Deacon
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
http://blog.seandeacon.com
[Sean is available for both phone coaching and in-field coaching in the San Francisco area]
13 Responses to “Make Banter Work for You Every Time”
nice.
By Santino
Some great lines there and role-playing along with the all important theme being a playful, confident, happy guy. I fell a little in love with a girl I was bantering with at the weekend because she knew how to role play :-).
Another awesome article!
By Super Duper Hot Sauce
Fun -Stuff. In a recent interview with Dating Gurus Adam, Richard from Cocky Comedy talks about the myers-briggs, this is a great way to know bout her and go into deep rapport with her, but remember only for a little bit. you dont want to stay in rapport then Volia, proceed to getting physcial.
By John Smeton
youll be surprised how acurate ive seen the myers-briggs work. This is a major Tool in every great PUA's bag of tricks.
By John Smeton
Hey Guys, that is a great email.. The big epiphany out of that, is.. It's common sense really, hey! I mean role-playing is so much fun for both parties that your gonna come across as all the right things, and have an awesome time too. I think it can also be looked at as a form of screening/qualifying because if you meet a chick that is hot, but boring as… I know she's not the kind of person I want to spend time with! But if she adopts the role and completely goes along with it and has a good time with me, then I'd be interested in getting her number to catch up at a later date!
Great job guys, keep up the good work
By Vanquish
Send me photos
By Anil
>I think it can also be looked at as a form of screening/qualifying because if you meet a chick that is hot, but boring as… I know she's not the kind of person I want to spend time with!
You sir, are a genius! This is the hidden benefit of banter.
To make it blunt… if you are playing with her with banter, and she can't play back, or doesn't see how it's fun… you now know exactly how much fun you can expect if you sleep together.
None.
Hot does not matter without fun. No one wants to be with a person who does not get their jokes. Nothing worse than trying to explain to someone how your comment was funny…
By Sean Newman
one that I came up with in october that works really well in that month. get really serious with her after you have done a bit of rapport.
then look her in the eyes and say. "do you know what october is?"
"breast cancer awareness month."
she'll look at you kinda seriously and probally say oh.
then continue with, "you know it's really important to get checked twice a year." "we'd hate to loose that ___________ (something about her, smile, style, laugh etc) from the world."
then with a smile, ask, "Have you been checked this month?"
" you'd you like to?"
" how about right now?"
I've had great sucess with this. about 1/2 of the time I don't get to finish and they grab my hands and have me check them with out me finishing. give it a try sometime
By forge
Real good stuff. Before my accident, during my early college days, I used to play this curious lil' boy who just escaped from his domineering mama for a great night in town and meeting actual women for the first time . And confused at this certain new "feelings" he had for girls.
The best part was escalating slightly, slowking poking them here and there and giving feedback "That felt good…and bad". And then feeling. They giggle on and …on. :). It worked all the more because I really used to dress more a bad boy with the leather jacket and stuff.
It's not really banter, more role playing I guess. I wish I could get that spirit back though. I really appreciate the last line -
"After that, smile, tickle, then drop into some deep rapport, find something unique and special about her that isn't obvious, and fall just a touch in love."
Words of wisdom man - words of wisdom.
By w0lfgang
me WHAT S THE TIME
her 5H
m HOW MUCH DO I OWE YOU?
h SORRY?
M FIRT TIME YOU VE HEARD THIS LINE ?
or YOU GIVEN ME A SERVICE!! YOU DESERVE SOME KIND OF COMPENSATION or A COFFEE ?
any idea how you guys could improve the above?
By riddler
ok, so what's Myer-Briggs ( know it's a personality test, but how the heck do you use in pick=up?
By Randy
ok, so what's Myer-Briggs ( know it's a personality test, but how the heck do you use in pick-up?
By Randy
Study it in depth. Its really deep and once you understand it most of it fits together. i studied it 3 hrs per day for ten months. and I still cannot make out some types; although i can make out most Sp and SJ types and certain NT, and Nf types-the N's is when it gets difficult because I guess Im a S myself and more in common with them.
Once you have your inner game together you can use This as a model. Check out thye research on it too. It's been proven to work in ww2. people use it in companies. Its veru useful to say the least
By Superman