How To Text Message Women (with Examples)

Have you ever hit it off REALLY well and set
up a date with a woman you just met, and then
WONDER what you should do – if anything – until
the time of the date actually arrives?

Or worse yet, even though she seemed excited
about meeting you when you initially set up the
date, you now find yourself wondering if she
will follow through as planned, or will call and
cancel at the last minute leaving you with no
date and no plans.

It’s a valid concern.

Even women that are normally very reliable will
think nothing of canceling on a date last minute.

So what do you do?

There is a ‘secret weapon’ we use here a
PickUp 101 to keep women attracted,
during that awkward time between when you
meet and when you see each other again.

This is a critical time period, especially if
she’s attractive and going out at night.

Don’t be foolish enough to believe just
because she was nuts over you last night,
some other guy can’t do the same tonight.

Remember, attraction is fleeting. It doesn’t
last… UNLESS! You know the secret methods
to keep her attraction focused on YOU until
that next date.

The ‘secret weapon’ I and all my instructors
use is the art of text messaging.

But, that’s only half the story… because
if you send text messages like the average
guy you will blow it big time.

Being boring is a foolproof recipe to
chase women away.

Don’t say: How R U?

Say: How is my adorable little brat?

You see, the real secret here is in using
BANTER in to communicate. Banter is the most
powerful attraction tool, so why wouldn’t you
use it?

This method has been field-tested and
perfected to an art form. The great thing
is, it’s pretty darn easy once you know
the right way to do it.


Want to know how?

Well this is your lucky day!

One of my instructors, Sean Deacon, wrote a
kick ass article that tells you exactly what
to do, what to avoid, and he’s even included
real world EXAMPLES for you to learn from.

Originally posted on the PickUp 101 Private Lounge by Sean Deacon

I use text messages a lot.  In my opinion, it is a key tool available for interacting with women.  I think they are better than phone AND email.  They are quick, easy to respond to, and private.  They can be light and friendly, fun and flirty, seductive, or downright nasty.  I have had text message conversations that fit into all of these.  I have even gotten my freak on, text style.

Sean Newman has posted up some really great stuff about sending dirty text messages to your girl.  This is a great idea, and if you are not doing it, you are missing out on a great chance to make your girl VERY happy.  I would send messages as he describes to my last girlfriend every now and then, to remind her how hot she was for me.  She loved it.

Walter also made a great post about using text messages in the time between when you meet a girl and when you get her over for a date.

I want to try to put together some general thoughts on "text message game".

Text messages should be short and fun, and flirty, charming or seductive.  There is no place for logic in a text message.  If things start going logical in a text message convo, then you need to stop, or redirect the conversation right away.

Usually a girl will initially react generically, ie. Boring, to a text message you send.  Girls aren’t used to guys flirting with them with text message.  Yet.  You have to ramp it up immediately after her response.  If you send something like, "hey cutie, thinking of me much? :) ", chances are you will get a response like "haha, how are you?"  Now, you can’t respond, "I’m fine, how R U?"  That’s weak sauce.  We want the strong sauce.  A better response would be, "I was gonna kidnap you to vegas and get us married by elvis, but nevermind..:)"  However she responds, you can then respond "yeah, married by the fat elvis…"

That’s a taste of my sauce’s flavor.

My RULES for text messages:

  1.  I always address them with pet names like darlin’, sweetie, cutie pie, sexy, gorgeous, adorable brat, etc.

  2.  I use proper grammar.  I don’t use the normal abbreviations.  If you do, U R 2 stop.  I do abbreviate stuff like family to "fam", San Francisco to SF, etc.  I hope I don’t have to say this, but NEVER USE LEET SPEAK (wikipedia it if you don’t know).  Know the difference between "your" and "you’re", "to" and "too", etc.  A side rule to this, the more sexual the message, the more proper the grammar you should use.  Which feels sexier, "I want 2 slowly kiss Ur lips…" or "I want to slowly kiss your lips…"?

  3. Sign your name when it is the first one or two text messages you send (credit: Robert1).  All you do is write your text, then at the end add "-Sean."  Replace "Sean" with your own name though, or include my cell phone number in the text if you don’t.
  4.  I use a lot of smiley faces     This replaces the big friendly smile you would have on your face when you deliver a banter line.  Text messages should basically be banter lines.  I do not use any other faces other than smiley faces.  No winky face    no "P" face (I actually don’t even know what this is supposed to mean), etc.  Some might disagree, but personally I think this borders on leet speak, which is not ok.  Furthermore, I want my words to convey my message.  If my words, punctuation and a smiley face aren’t enough, then I feel I am doing something wrong.

  5.  I use rich descriptions.  If I do say how I am doing, I make it descriptive.  In response to "how R U?" I might reply "Just saw the sunset over the bay, the sky’s glowing orange – looks incredible!"

  6. Jump on the offers a girl makes.  An "offer" is a term from improv acting.  It is when one actor says something that describes something about the other actor. 

    Example, one actor says to the other, "I like that large funny hat you have on", the other actor then would go on with that theme of wearing a large funny hat. 

    It is a little different with text messages, but if a girl sends you something that you can make fun and sexy, do it.  For example, I got a text message from one of the girls the other night, "buenas noches. Dulces suenos guapo." [translates: good night.  Sweet dreams, handsome].  I replied the next morning by writing, "good morning, beautiful. Have a good day."  Except I wrote it in french.  I took her theme, and replied in a way that was similar, but original and charming.


Brevity: You have to say everything very quickly.  If you can’t say it in about 10 to 20 words, then rework it until you can.  It is ALWAYS possible to flirt in less than 12 words, in my opinion.  If you don’t think so, "you are a dork :) " (see, it is that easy).  Get rid of everything and anything that is not necessary, by not necessary I mean not flirty and fun.

Punctuation: The main punctuation techniques I use are CAPS, ellipses… exclamation!!! Question marks?? both?!?!, [brackets], and (parenthesis).  And smiley face as I mentioned before  :)   These all have different emotional effects, use them!  Caps are REALLY EXCITING!!  Wtf?!? [roll my eyes] don’t make me.. come over there… and wrap my arms around you… (I won’t spank tooo hard)

WHEN to use text:

ALL THE TIME!!  You can send a girl a text a day or so after you meet her, before a day2, after a day 2, after sex, when she is your girlfriend, etc.  Text messaging is a good way to stay in contact with a girl that you can’t see often.  I think that phone and email should mainly be used to set up meets, but for pure flirting, text is better.

What NOT to say:

Cock.  Balls.  Dick.  Pussy.  Fuck.  Shit.  Unless you have established that these words get your girl off.  Don’t say anything negative.  The things you send should make you smile when you think about sending them.  This can be a sly smirk, a big fun smile, or a seductive smile, but it should be positive.


I think the most important thing is to try to make the girl smile.  That is the point of all this.  It doesn’t matter if she responds.  You should only be trying to write something that will make her feel good, or feel special, or feel sexy when she reads it.  You are NOT fishing for getting anything back.  You should be inspiring her to want to send you a text back.

Pay attention to the subtext of the text.  Often times what is really being said is not what the words actually are.  The obvious example is a late night text asking if you are out and about means "I want you to come home with me".  Subcommunication is pretty complicated.  I won’t really get into it.  I do suggest paying attention to it though.

This all may take a little practice.  Lord knows I have sent off some dumb text messages.

I am gonna dig into my text message past to give examples:


Here’s an example of a text message sent to a woman a few days after the number close.  The pretext was that we would go jogging together some time. This was our first contact:

"How’s my new running buddy.  You ready to RUMBLE!  :)   Sean."

It’s playful, and I signed my name, because it was my first contact with her after meeting her, per rule 3 above.

* * * *

I posted this next one as an example a while ago, but I thought it was really good, so I am using it again.  I like it because I keep going back to flirting over and over in the conversation, and because I wrote it down for posterity, so I have it for use as an example (most good examples just get deleted from my phone):

Sean: Hey sexy. How is my adorable little brat?  :)

A: Haha…just fine! And u?

Sean: Great! The sun is finally out, spring is in the air, I love it!

A:It was 86 here today! Its gonna be a hot summer.

Sean: You like it hot?

A: I like it warm and breezy

Sean: Hmmm… Interesting… Says a lot about you. So when I call later, are you gonna answer? I can’t believe I even have to ask…  :)

[note: I had called twice and she didn't answer both times, but she sent me texts back apologizing for not being able to talk]

A: @ 1030 and i will answer  :)

Sean: That’s past my bedtime. I’ll have to call my mom for permission.

A: Dork  :)

Sean: Ah, baby, I love you too.

A: Call me @ 1030..i should be done by then

Sean: If you’re not, I’m filing for divorce  :)

A: Haha..u make me smile

Sean: Yup.  Talk later.  :)

* * * *

Here’s one I sent to my last girlfriend.  It is an example of a seductive text.  I sent it in the middle of the day, while she was at work:

"my hand across your bare back, you feel my breath in your ear… and I pull your body against mine… you feel my heat as our skin touches like silk…"

I think she replied with something like "It’s getting hot in here", so I just kept this description going for a few more texts.

* * * *

Here’s what I sent to a girl right after leaving her apartment late at night, after we hooked up on the first date:

"Goodnight. XXOO"

This was meant to be reassuring and make her feel good about what we did all night, and to make her smile one last time that night.

* * * *

Here’s an example of ignoring her logical question and responding in an emotional/charming/seductive way.  It starts with a general ping, just to get the ball rolling:

Sean: Hope you have a good day (night) at work. Kiss kiss

D: Ahhhh……Thank u …Did u have to teach? [at the weekend workshop]

Sean: Mmmm… Thinking about your delicious kisses..

D: Your way to good to be true  :)    sweet dreams

I totally ignored her question, and just responded with something much better.  I am pretty sure she is glad she got the text that she did, rather than the answer to her question.

* * * *

Enjoy, and don’t do anything I wouldn’t do..

Sean "jaz" Deacon
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

[Sean is available for both phone coaching and in-field coaching in the San Francisco area]

Thanks for the break-dow and the great examples Sean!

Now go text some women

Lance Mason

P.S. Learn the core Secrets of the
‘Naturals’. Get yourself a copy of Surefire
Attraction Secrets, where I reveal proven
methods of Approach, Attraction, & Rapport.

P.P.S. – If your interested in mastering the art
of banter in-person as well as over text messages
then you may want to check out my Charismatic
Conversations Take-Home Training program. It’s
Literally packed with live examples of what me
And my crack team of instructors say in every
Situation you can imagine.

I break down everything you need to know to
master the art of starting conversations, banter,
flirting, vibing – and especially how to keep the
conversation moving smoothly whether you are
talking one-on-one with a woman or are talking
in a group.

I also cover how to set up a date in style, and how
to interpret what SHE is saying – all with the help
of the PickUp 101 Supergirls.

Learn more, hear from seminar attendees, and
even see some video excerpts of the program at:

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37 Responses to How To Text Message Women (with Examples)

  1. sasha says:

    Best Article , Its awesome man ..

  2. Hi,

    That was Pritty Awesome Stuff – coming from another PUA who ‘think’ he got this part of the Game Rock Solid.

    This was Great, listen to these Advices.

    Use them, and your Success Rate with Women Will Increase.

    All the Best,
    Costas Elvito

  3. Tersoo says:

    Hi Lance/Sean,
    That was the most useful newsletter I think I have ever recieved and the article was free!
    I always knew of the potential of texting but with sound principles like those to follow I know my ‘text game’ will dramatically improve. I get loads of number closes but often squander them with long-winded, ‘dorky’ messages.
    This pickup theory fucking rules! It’s such a buzz to get these pearls of wisdom and following that advice should really curtail my flake-rate.
    Keep up the great work guys, you’re making such positive difference.
    Essex, UK

  4. Caleb says:

    I’m just discovering text messaging and you’re right!

    Definitely banter, with a couple things every once in a
    while to make her smile big…

    When I’m asked about plans, it’s always:

    “I think I can schedule you in…”

    Then one time, after we set up she was coming over
    after a party – I was like “damn I gotta cancel the call
    girls now… you’re lucky ur cute”

    (I try to limit the leet speak, but texting is a lot of work!)

    definitely names, “Sweetcheeks” “cutie”,

    Then outa the blue during the day, sent her something
    like “just thinking of how unbelievably cute you are”

    Good stuff, as ALWAYS, Sean!

  5. Super hot sauce says:

    I send text messages like these all the time to flirty young ladies! Great article. I can see your all about the strong sauce :)

    I have a question:

    When it comes to talking about sex, do you guys usually banter about it with the ladies?

    I ask this question because I think I’v missed out opportunities to have it by joking about it.

  6. Sean Newman says:

    We’re gonna need another workshop.

    Art of SMS.

    Me and Deacon and Walter and the other instructors have seriously spent hundreds of hours discussing the best text messages to send, and we all agree that phone calls are useless compared to text. Now you guys are on to that secret.

  7. marco says:

    I try your texts they work perfit thanks marco

  8. Sean Deacon says:

    Thanks for all the great comments guys! I love hearing that I was able to give you some info. that you can use immediately to be charming with some fantastic women.

    Newman, I’m there for AoSMS.

    Super Hot Sauce, are you on the ? That would be a great question to ask there. I don’t have the space to answer it here. The short answer is “yes and no”.

    Sad comment of the day: I’m dating a girl right now that doesn’t have a cell phone(!!). No text message fun with her.. :( I forgive her, however, because she is adorable :)

  9. Pingback: Sean Deacon Blog » Text Messages Are Awesome!

  10. Jay says:

    This is the PERFECT example of what field reports and newsletters in general should be like. A little bit of theory/context, and A LOT of examples/applications. I already do a lot of text game, but I learned killer new stuff from Sean’s post.

  11. Sammy Odhiambo says:

    Hi- Sean, you are absolutely creative, keep us posted on new stuff/ devt. buddy.

  12. big L says:

    nice job sean.

  13. Pingback: The Sex Revolution Blog » Blog Archive » Pickup 101’s Text Message Guide

  14. GODZI1 says:

    This is priceless,lots of info and basically all you need to understand about the concept of text messaging is here,backed with examples,AWSOME STUFF.I would really like to hear about some pick up that happens when your driving!!!!!

  15. abbro says:

    I do txt msg more than call. And this defenetly will help me close more deals.
    Good job again guys.

    Toronto, ON

  16. Mark says:

    just reading you links about picking up. i didnt even realise how easy it really is.
    being one who doesnt score much women,i actually found a beautiful girl who got my number.

  17. Tim says:

    Great work…finally an article on txt messaging! I was begining to think you guys in the U.S of A had no cell phones as I’ve NEVER read even ONE line on this subject before on any other site!!!

    -Tim- Australia

  18. Super Hot Sauce says:

    ”Super Hot Sauce, are you on the ? That would be a great question to ask there. I don’t have the space to answer it here. The short answer is “yes and no”.”

    Do you have to subscribe to be on the pickuplounge? I wish I could but I am have less money than a mugged beggar at the moment :) . Yes and no? I understand if you cant answer it. My thoughts on the moment are its ok at the start when its outrageous and has banter value, but later on when its a possibility than its time to drop the energy a bit and make her feel sexy. Peace :)

  19. Matt says:

    One of the best pickup articles i’ve ever read. Awesome because rather than just giving only examples you use the examples to clearly illustrate the correct frame to use when texting (make the girl smile, want nothing in return). Already making a big difference! Keep the good stuff coming sean!


  20. w0lfgang says:

    I’m not nuch of an SMS guy but aware that most girls are heavily into it. And this is a heap of gold here. I’m more verbose usually. So it was really helpful figuring out to ditch the long winded message and instead convey an emotion on that panel. I also like the fact that these aint rules per se but rather guidelines to spontaneous talk.

    Another great contribution!

  21. chris haynes says:

    I number closed last week, left it to days then text her. If only i used the banter (hi cutie thinking of me much). The best field report yet guys, lets hope its not to late with this girl so i can redeem myself as she was a 10.

    Chris haynes
    hampshire UK.

  22. gen says:

    Sean! Your lines were so cute, so cute and charming that I just had to steal them. You’re awesome dude!
    Gen from AZ

  23. joao says:





  24. gd_nimrod says:

    Yup, good article. Another great thing i use to txt the girl BEFORE i get to know her really well:

    “how do you keep a blonde (or brunette, or italian, or Polish or whatever) chick in suspense?”

    When she replies, do NOT message her back. Wait at least a day, then reply back ‘im glad you enjoying being in suspense’ and take it from there.

    Used it with success many a time:)

  25. Pingback: Sean Newman: Make Girls Smile

  26. Rare says:

    Thanks a lot dude,
    Very nice stuff… hope that much of the advices were so practical like this;o)

  27. DANtheMIZAN says:

    Brilliant, i like the kidnapping idea.. always important to make sure each message makes her smile.. no more weak and lame messages, time to be creative!

  28. John Smeton says:

    I love it. I am too utilising this great idea’e . Cute words to descrive her, ignoring logical questions in the right context,Just flirting with no intention of hooking up. Ill use the phone or email for hooking up but Test Message is where the fun, flirting, and just making her feel special occur. Good stuff i learned much. and i have used this already, while staring at your page for the lets get married in Vegas. I have used this for a while brecause David D is the one the orginal story came from, the one about vegas. I love the creativity of Text.

  29. Elliott says:

    Great article Sean! You should write for Men’s Health.

  30. Alex says:

    That was some great material! But as an add-on to that. Could you please mention on whether we should normally reply an sms immediately? or wait for a while? (at least 10 mins)?

  31. Stebbins says:

    Hi, saen

    Thanks for that great tips of text massages.

    You just save me from a lot problem

  32. Elliott says:

    This is a great article, that I first read a while ago, and have referred back to quite a bit.

    However, I have to say that as great as the information is this article is, it actually hindered me almost as much as it helped me.

    Here’s the problem with this article. For me at least, it led me to believe that text messages should always be fun and flirty: That a text should always have an element of banter to it.

    The simple truth is that this is not true.

    Let’s say I meet a woman during the day doing a very direct approach and being very sincere. We hit it off.

    Then later, I text her: “Hey cutie….how’s my adorable little brat? xx”

    This text isn’t going to be congruent with who I was when I met her, and is possibly going to turn her off. Possibly even come across as being insecure and disingenuous.

    However, if I don’t feel the need to be flirty, I can send her something simple and “normal” like, “Hi x, was just thinking how nice it was to meet you this morning. How was your day?”

    I have learned this the hard way. You don’t always have to be flirty and playful in texts (or in person). That sometimes it is totally OK to just send a nice “normal” text, it is often preferable.

    I think the most important thing is knowing what feels right considering the situation.

    Have the fun, flirty texts at your disposal as they can be a powerful attraction tool. But remember that sometimes, a simple and “logical” text can serve to generate just as much attraction (if not more) than a funny flirty text.

  33. Manny says:

    That was very educational, I have mostly always done things like this but, not to this degree and not with this type of full understanding. I love unlearning all the useless stuff and picking up these great tips. They make so much sense I find myself nodding my head in agreement with this material. Again its great!

  34. Jacky says:

    Thks,it really helps.

  35. Nalin says:

    Very useful article. A lot is covered here and is easy and simple to follow. Superb!!

  36. Mike says:

    Awesome advice! Thanks for the email and article, unlike some other programs you guys actually have great content instead of just spamming your newest ebook or program or whatever. I’m totally going to remember this article next time I’m texting with a girl. Thanks again, you guys rock.

  37. carlos says:

    Great job on the article