PickUp 101

He Said/She Said: A Perfect Pickup and Both Sides of the Story

A new kind of field report. His story and her story.
If you want to get the girl AND make her
happy, you need to know what she thinks,
and what she feels. You need to know HER story.

He Said/She Said:

Him: She is the most beautiful girl I’ve ever
seen. Warm, honey skin,
soft brown eyes, long lashes, silky hair
flowing under a funky cap,
just a touch of sparkly blue eye-shadow, and
a sly smile under
pillowy lips.

Her: First of all, let me tell you something
about myself. I’m not your typical
shy,submissive asian girl . On the contrary,
guys are intimidated by me. I’m very sensible
and i’m very proud of my logical brain.

And one more thing, about the time that this
happened, i was a little upset about boys ,
the last thing i want is to date one.

Him: It’s a crowded Sunday in a little café in
Union Square in San
Francisco. Workers are putting up the giant
Christmas tree, and
shoppers are everywhere. It’s not quiet,
calm, and peaceful. People
are jostling about, and everyone can see
everything. Perfect. Put
this on display for all to see — this is
exactly what I have
prepared for.

Her: It was in November. I was really tired that day
and i was dazed. I just wanted to get my
cafe mocha and sit . There were a lot of
people in the little cafe, standing in line,
wanting to buy the pretty little pastries
displayed on the glass window. I remembered
being a little annoyed with the crowd. So
crowded and loud, i just want to be away from
the noise. I smiled at the guy behind the
counter and flirt a little. And then, off
with my coffee.

Him: Get in line for food and keep looking at her.
I fix her image in my
mind. I look away. Let the nerves build up.
Feel it in my chest, in
my heart. I want this beautiful girl. I want
her so much. I want her
to have my kids, and her kids, and walk
hand-in-hand on the
boardwalk on the beach, win her giant stuffed
animals for her at
games of chance, snuggle on Sunday mornings,
and buy her sparkly
things to make her smile. I let all the silly
and wussy and once-
again-silly thoughts fill me up. I will use
them as fuel.

I will walk up to her, alone. I will have no
pretext, no
introduction, no excuse. It will be her, and
it will be me, and in
this secret world, we will be. I want the
nerves. I want the fear. I
want this to be hard. For a man who didn’t
know what he was doing,
that would make it impossible. For me — for
me it makes it perfect.

Him: My single 100%-perfect girl takes a seat at a
table right
behind me — with her 99%-perfect girl
friend. She’s here, now. I know
from experience if I leave now, without
meeting her, it will wake me
from a sound sleep when I am old and grey,
and the not knowing will
haunt me like a ghost.

Fuck it. I have
studied, practiced and worked
at this for a reason. This girl is the
reason. She is the one that
brought me here today. When you find the
princess, she will not be
waiting for you on a bed made of Twinkies and
tits. She will be in a
castle, guarded by a dragon, behind a wall of
flames. Walk through
the flames.

I step out of line. Walk to her table. I feel
every eye upon me.
Stand at their table. They both look up.

I say nothing. I don’t worry about what to
say. My hands are down,
my eyes are steady. I open my mouth.

"I was on my way out, and I saw you."

"I couldn’t leave without meeting you. May I
sit?"

Her: The second after we sat down, right before
i opened my mouth to chatter away, i felt a
soft tap on my left shoulder.I looked up and
saw this big, white guy wearing a blue shirt
looking down on me. The first thought that
flew to my mind , "hmm, maybe he wants the
empty chair."

I smiled at him, ready to give the answer,
"yes, you can have the chair." But, all the
time, he kept holding my gaze and then
moments later he uttered the most unexpected
words, "i was on my way outside"(Pause..),
and i saw you. I just have to talk to you."
(pause)..may i sit down?"

Him: They both stare at me. The room stares at me.
I wait. She says yes.
I reach back to table behind me and grab a
chair from another table
without asking. Is someone else using it? Not
anymore. Chair bangs
against other chairs. It appears unsmooth,
but I don’t care.

Her: The way he said it, it was so soft, and felt
so genuine and his expression, it didn’t feel
fake. I think my brain stopped working,
because, before i can think of anything to
say, i felt my right arm gesturing to the
empty chair next to my right and said,
"sure." He sat down and kept holding my gaze,
and didn’t say anything. I felt very awkward
and felt compelled to say something first
(keep in mind i have a friend who sat next to
my left and she had this shock expression on
her face.and i know she won’t say anything).
After the proper introduction, i asked him
what he was doing?

Him: I sit. Look at her — gently, but seeing her.
I don’t say anything. A
year passes. She asks, "so what are you doing
today?"

Her: I felt dream-like.My heart was beating faster
and i kept trying to think. I could not
believe that this is happening, but, i was
willing to give this guy a chance. He told us
about his goddaughter and showed us pictures
of his dogs. All the time, i felt comfortable
and looking at him, i thought to myself
"hmm..this guys is cute and he has really
nice eyes." however, i’m still not sure where
all this is going , and i can feel that my
friend did not like what was happening one
bit. I can actually feel her being really
cold to this stranger.

Him: I mention something about Christmas shopping.
Start talking normal
stuff. Introduce myself, they introduce
themselves. Gia and Lily.
My internal circuits are all afire, but I
will not stop. That’s how
it works. I don’t have to keep going. I just
have to Not. Stop.

Gia is from Indonesia. Lily is from Thailand.
They live here now. I
tell them I teach dogs owners how to
understand their dogs. They
love dogs, Golden Retrievers. I tell them how
big the hearts of a
Golden are, that they are made of love. Time
passes. I talk about
the park near my house. Watching sunset from
the swings, and the
cafe close by with the best hot chocolate in
the city.

Her: He told us that he just moved here from
boston and that he lived by the park on which
hill you can climb and view san francisco
city light. A few minutes later, he said he
had to go and then said that me and him
should go to that park together. I thought to
myself, "Uh-uh, not so fast,dude"

He tried to make me to say yes. But, I
stubborny said "we’ll see..we’ll see," and
smiled sweetly at him. And finally he asked
for my phone number.

Him: The air is heavy with this moment I feel the
weight. Time to go.
Tell them so. Tell Gia to meet me at my house
next week and we’ll go
to the park. She agrees. Gives me her number.
We hug, and her skin
smells like summer.

Her: To this day, I still do not know why i
gave him my number. It could be that i sensed
something about him or that i was carried
away in the movie moment. The feeling was
indescribable. it felt surreal, it was pure
emotions.

I stand. Legs still working. Nice surprise.

Walk out, slow, stunned. Kick-to-the-head
stunned. My world is of
muffled sound, like under the sea, like
leaving a Metallica show.
Everything is slow and gentle, everything is
floaty.

Her: I still wasn’t sure about him. Part of me
hope so much for it to be real,hope that he’s
not an asshole and really hope that he meant
what he said. However, He was nothing but
sweet and genuine and funny for the next few
days we talked on the phone.

Talk twice over next week, flirty, funny,
sexy. Normal topics too.
School, work, fun. She’s coming over
Saturday.

Her: I did try to talk myself out of this date,
but i can’t. The way he came up to me like
that, being so vulnerable and yet so strong,
i just can’t. This guy is ballsy and i like
that. I granted him one date. I thought,
"what the hell, it should be fun, i got free
pizza."

Him: With two bottles of wine, one white, one red.
With a dog treat for
my dog.

We will be as lovers who meet again and
again, as the wheel does
turn, as it was meant to be.

Her: This month is our 7th month dating each
other. I am very happy and the story of how
we met has been told many times. My friend
and i still talk about it. Everytime I passed
that little cafe, everytime i drank my cafe
mocha,my mind always flew back to that
moment. Its embedded forever in in my heart.

- Sean Newman
Lead Instructor, PickUp 101
To find out about coaching with Sean, go to Field Work and Phone Coaching
Read more from Sean at http://seannewman.org