There’s an old rule we used to follow in high-tech. When you get a complaint, as hard as it is to stomach, you better pay attention, because for every one person who fesses up and voices his opinion to you, there’s another ten who think the same thing but keep quiet.
Here’s a complaint we got at PickUp 101. I didn’t like what he had to say, but I’m paying attention.
"Why do you keep talking so much about those uninteresting things?? Are you a specialist at teaching "how to become a keyboard jockey"? We need CONCISE AND PRACTICAL ADVICE!"
Y’know what? He’s right about that. We all need real advice, and there’s not nearly enough concise and practical advice out there for guys who want to get better with women.
Now, just reading online articles won’t get you the results you want.
But if you find the right things to practice to get started, and then use that advice and when you go out every day, and when you go out with like-minded friends at night, it can really make a difference.
So today I’m going to answer an interesting question I got. I’m going to give him the answer, and I want you all to use this advice to go out and make changes today.
"Hey man,
I am very interested in learning the game.
Not to pickup strippers, or be able to
manipulate women. I want to walk into any
social situation, and if I find a girl
attractive, I want to be able to analyse the
situation and approach, chat her up and get
to know her. I dont like the fear of not
being able to talk to women. The feeling of
‘paralysis’ is what I hate. I have been
working on inner game, self confidence, style
(I have received many compliments lately on
this). In sum, any advice for me?"
I think that most men really want to learn how to get better with women so they can have the ability to talk to any woman who interests them, not to only be able to have a shot with certain types of women in certain situations.
And I’ve got some really good news for you here. Most women dream every day of having a cool, confident guy approach them and make them smile in their day-to-day lives. They don’t want to have to wait until 1:15 at the bar on a Friday for some drunken fool to make his move before the lights come on.
They want you to come talk to them at the gym, the coffee shop, and the supermarket. They want you to approach at happy hour and when they are at dinner.
Basically, there’s never a bad time to sweep a girl off her feet.
But the tough part is doing this when you feel the "paralysis" you describe. Some people call it "approach anxiety." But it’s deeper than that. It’s a real fear, with real physical causes.
I won’t bore you with a dissertation on the reasons why, but you should know that this fear is caused by the reality that for most of human history, acting "cooler" than you really were, and trying to get women who were out of your league was the quickest way to get your head removed from your shoulders.
Think about it. It happens even now in modern times. When you are in high school, everyone knows exactly which cool guys are allowed to date the cutest girls, and if you aren’t one of the guys and you try to make a move, you know there’s a real chance one of those guys will beat you up.
The fear of talking to beautiful women is a physical fear. It’s real. It’s not made up, and it’s not something you can just fight your way through with mantras and
stubborness.
But you CAN learn to manage it by practicing the right skills with your body.
We teach a technique in the Art of Attraction
that anyone can use to minimize and manage the nerves that come over you when you want to approach a cute girl. Now you can practice this at home.
Here’s the quick version. Ready? Now play along at home:
Breathe deep through your mouth and nose.
Fill your lungs and empty them. You’d be shocked to see how many students we have come in who are just fine until they think about talking to a cute girl, and then the first thing they do is stop breathing.
We have a simple rule around here. No matter what technique you use, always remember to breathe!
OK, now, nod your head slowly, and repeat under your breath, "yeah, yeah, yeah…"
Get some music playing in your mind. Something that makes you happy and feeling good. The "Rocky" theme is a great one (and I know I dated myself suggesting it!)
Now, keep your head moving, and keep the music playing, and repeat these three simple mantras to yourself.
"I look like a goofball."
"Sean has no fucking idea what he’s talking about."
"She’s gonna think I’m f*cking retarded."
Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!
Now the coup de grace. Give yourself a smack in the ass.
Don’t think, meat. Just do it.
Now at this point, you will have absolutely cracked a smile. Your head is still nodding, so you cannot think negative thoughts. Your face is relaxed from smiling, so you can’t store too much tension.
And your mind is focused on feeling goofy and having fun, so you can’t get nervous about looking cool.
When we did this exercise in our last New York Art of Attraction, it worked so well with one student he admitted he was less nervous talking to the hottest girls in the city that night than he’d ever been just speaking up at work.
Your body is what makes you nervous, and your body is what can calm you down.
Our students use this technique every day to overcome the very real "paralysis" that all guys get when talking to beautiful women.
You can too. And the more you do this, the less you need it, and the easier it gets.
Matter of fact, after a while, it’s tougher to NOT approach cute girls than to walk over there.
