Ever wonder what creates drama in relationships?
Before working on this stuff, I considered drama-free to be near impossible. Those that had it were either:
a. destined to be together forever
or
b. pretending to be the world’s greatest couple in public, hiding away all their troubles and woes.
Drama just seemed to be an inevitable part of relationships.
And when it struck, it came with the force and unpredictability of a storm.
There’d be the calm shortly before (usually the sinking feeling something bad is going to happen) followed by the hurricane-force winds, sheats of rain and bone-chilling cold front.
And now that I’m basking in the beautiful light of retrospect, it’s obvious how much blood, sweat and tears I could’ve saved myself by being on top of the curve rather than reacting to it.
Because once a woman is unhappy, all hell, bats of hell, Nessy and the Sasquatch break loose.
Thing women are irrational? You ain’t seen nothin’ yet.
When women are unhappy, random things are attributed to their unhappiness as they go piecing together (irrationally) why they’re unhappy.
It’s a death spiral that won’t have a happy ending.
So stay on top of things before they come to a boil.
The easiest way to do that is choosing healthy women.
Yes, emotionally-healthy, high self-esteem women.
They won’t be looking for hurtful or dysfunctional relationships.
They’ll bring less baggage to the table.
They’ll have more of themselves to share and contribute to the relationship.
They’ll be less needy with your time and energy.
What I’ve found is that most guys working to better their lives by improving on dating prefer these kinds of women.
They don’t need clingy, submissive women. In fact, they’re usually self-reliant and command attention, which is why they get the hottest women with the most going for them in the first place.
They prefer adventurous, fun women who want to devote their energy to growing the relationship and bettering both people involved.
Healthy men prefer healthy women, so know which one you are and choose accordingly.
If we’ve chosen wisely, then our main responsibilities are:
a. managing expectations
and
b. staying ahead of the curve and being accountable for her happiness
The first part depends on how in tuned we are with her. Women sometimes need reassurance, but other times they’re gauging us to see where we’re at.
They want to know how close to be to us, how we’re feeling and how to respond.
In order to get all the cues, they have to check in and intuit how to respond to us.
We should act in kind – check in with her while she checks with us. Take the opportunity of spending time together to gauge where she’s at emotionally.
It takes practice, but it’s no different than gauging whether a girl is attracted to us and when we should escalate with her.
It’s a similar calibration skill that gets better over time.
Next, being accountable for her happiness, it what will allow us to keep our women over time.
It means being responsible for keeping her happy at all times, even when things happen out of your control.
It doesn’t mean you have to solve her problems, but you do have to listen, empathize, sympathize and show compassion for her causes, interests and passions.
I know, sounds like a whole hell of a lot.
And it is.
No one said that being the best man you can be was gonna be easy.
But if we’ve chosen a healthy girl and understand her expectations, then all we need to do is keep her happy.
That means giving her support, guidance and leadership.
It means being level-headed to handle issues that do come up – and they will.
A million little obstacles can come up in the course of a dating relationship, which is why we need all the cards in our favor (selection and managing expectations early).
We can also make life easier by building a buffer of good will.
That means doing the small things day-in and day-out that show her you care/understand/sympathize/support/provide.
No, I don’t mean kissing ass and delivering flowers to her door.
But it does mean reading her mood, knowing where she’s at and giving her that small unexpected compliment, look, touch to bring her up.
It means planning the unexpected surprise date or field trip – whatever is appropriate is each of our situations.
Making life easier allows us to plan our own lives, creating our own agenda.
If we spend all our time reacting to conflict and drama, we live the relationship.
The same can happen if we grow lazy and start relying on her to provide guidance and leadership – we lose ourselves in the relationship.
It’s also our responsibility to know our expectations and develop them as they change.
If we’re in multiple casual relationships, we need to think about how to manage them.
If we’re in a serious relationship, we need to think about long-term issues that are looming on the horizon.
We’ll have more time to better prepare ourselves for future challenges.
We’ll also have more sexy time – and in my case, bloggy time.
Walter
P.S. Want to learn the core Secrets of
Natural PickUp Artists? Get yourself a copy
of Surefire Attraction Secrets, where I
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enjoy!